dating · Dream · love

No Man Determines my Dreams

It’s so easy to do. You meet a guy who takes your breath away. You start picturing yourself on dates. You think about him at random times throughout the day. You wonder what he’s thinking about at that moment. You also wonder what you would be like as a serious couple; as a married couple.

I’ve gone through this cycle several times. Some guys don’t make it through the entire process, though. When it came to thinking about kissing those lips or waking up to that face in the morning, I quickly abandoned the process. Some women have a legitimate emotional need for their man to be physically attractive and good-looking. I am one of those women. I like to say, “I don’t want to wake up in the morning and say, ‘day-um, honey, I love your personality.’” Yes, of course, I will love his personality, but the outside has to be appealing too. It’s just me.

Throughout the times I let my mind go through this process, I would take a moment to think about my dreams. If I already knew what some of his dreams are, my mind would just take that and measure his against mine. Are they compatible? Would they take us the same places? I know my real dreams; are those his real dreams or ones that he is told to shoot for by those who take the safe route?

It is one of my lifelong dreams to live in Los Angeles and be a working actress, but if he wants to be a doctor working in rural Central America or a police officer in Miami, how would that work?

I’m almost 28 and over the years, I’ve come to realize what I DO and do NOT want in a man. I’ll spare you the details, but his dreams need to line up enough with mine that we will still go together.

I’ve caught myself thinking about a guy and his dreams, thinking of how I would fit into his world, into his plans for the future. That’s so backwards! It’s not that he’s supposed to fit into my dreams and plans, but that our dreams and plans complement each other’s. I think so many girls get this backwards.

Guys are usually the more physically strong, while women have an emotional strength that is foreign to most men. So why then, do so many women let the guy make their decisions about the future for them? Even subconsciously, so many women make decisions for their future based on where their man fits in.

I’ve heard women around my age say things like, “well, he wants to do this,” or “he wants to stay here”…and they weren’t even married. I understand that it’s different when the two are married. I’m not going to come between that. But it hurts me on the inside when I see a woman, even younger than I, stunting her own dreams and future based on what this guy wants.

Maybe I’m ranting, but I’m passionate about this. I want to see a generation of women standing up for their dreams and going after them at all costs, instead of sacrificing them for whatever life throws their way. Life will throw crap our way whether we are chasing our dreams or not. If you’re a woman reading this, wouldn’t you much rather go through that crap knowing you’ll be closer to everything you’ve ever wanted for your life?

I would! No sexy look or sweet promise from a guy is ever going to change that for me. I know the right one will be chasing his dreams and ours will fit together.

Women, stop giving part of yourself up just because a guy tells you to. The right one will help you fight for what you want!

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