Hot, but Not Bothered

Whoever said, “go with what you feel,” probably didn’t have this in mind! It’s estimated that about 3% of the American population is waiting until marriage to have sex. For some, it’s a religious decision, for others, it’s just what feels right.

But what is it really like to wait…and wait…and wait? For lack of better terms, it’s really hard! I haven’t just heard this from a friend. I actually know first-hand because I myself am waiting until marriage to have sex.

I’m 28, a woman, and no, I’m not one of those homely types in desperate need for a makeover and a new wardrobe. The Fashion Police have never cited me. Cher Horwitz wouldn’t make me her next project (bonus points if you know who that is!). I’m actually pretty. At least that’s what the boys (now men) have always told me when trying to cross into my sacred fortress. I’ve never made it my goal to be a sex symbol in my circles, or even sex-y.

Staying a virgin is pretty easy until you meet that guy who just…has it. Whatever it is. For someone not easily impressed like myself, when I met the guy who had whatever it was that made my nether-regions do a funny little dance and the wings of that butterfly in my stomach, start flapping, it was a Code Red situation.

Dating. That’s when it gets really hard! That’s when the decision is tested because you’re spending more time around the person. A quick escape is not really feasible for anyone who wants to keep that relationship. There are the ones who make your brain and your body tingle. Then there are the ones who if you spend any more time with, you might be able to taste your dinner in reverse. I’ve just never met the one who made me feel like no matter how much time we spent together, that it was never enough. Well, I’ve met him and loved him…it was just unrequited. But I guess that makes it easier.


I can’t judge when a girlfriend tells me they just couldn’t wait until marriage. I can understand why. I can’t say I’ve never been tempted by the way he held me or looked at me from across the room. I just know why I made the decision and how it’s more important than any fickle feelings of fake passion or temporary lust. But that still doesn’t mean it’s all easy. It just means I can handle the challenge. And I’d rather not live with the regret of doing it at the wrong time, with the wrong person.

I’ve dated them all: musicians, jocks, nerds, foreigners, military men (Army, Navy, Air Force, and a Marine), and a surfer-dude-turned-doctor; the Navy man was my favorite. Most of the time, they couldn’t handle the fact that I was waiting. In fact, most of them tried to challenge my decision…when they found I was serious, they left at speeds that Germany’s Autobahn should aspire to.

My major reason for waiting is not religious, in case you’re wondering (I can tell that was going through your head). It’s definitely not because I don’t have anyone offering. It’s simple, really. None of those guys have shown signs of still being around later down the road. When things get hard (no pun intended, but LOL!), would he still be there? Did he take the time to really know me before trying to get to the down and dirty? I mean, to make the sex really good, we should have those deep, spiritual connections already. I’m just not willing to settle for a cheap knock off when I’m a Louis-Vuitton-kind-of-girl.


One thought on “Hot, but Not Bothered

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  1. Hi I am a follower and this piece is very relatable to my life. I know what you mean it is very hard and frustrating at times. I love the ending “I’m just not willing to settle for a cheap knock off when I’m a Louis-Vuitton-kind-of-girl.” We have to stay strong 🙂

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